That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
wow bdsm is so cute
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