Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
