Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am available for nakedness
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
