I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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