Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
