I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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