I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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