U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
