Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
