im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize