Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
