he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
someone owes me an orgasm
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
