her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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