the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
