There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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