It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
