I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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