You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
