I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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