I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
