Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
