I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
