Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
