I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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