The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
