3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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