I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
