My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
