I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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