So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
