i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize