ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
