O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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