Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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