It's Friday. Sex?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
