Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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