just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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