Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
