the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
