just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
