Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
