i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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