I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
