I wannas sexs uuuuu
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
