you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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