My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
