Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
