I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
