I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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