I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
