Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
