He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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