How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
