I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
