I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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