mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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