you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
