As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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