wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
