well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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