My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
