Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
