there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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