Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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