I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
