I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
