My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
