walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
