Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
