you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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